ADVICE: Women Don't Agree With My Beliefs


Dear Te-Erika,

I keep meeting women who don't agree with my beliefs. In my mind one of the criteria for dating women is how would they react to me not being a Christian. Some years back, I got reacquainted with an ex from back in Jersey. Her religious constitution was like mine; neither of us could care less. Well, when we picked up where we left off, it was a good convo and she shared that she attends church which was no big deal. I had no clue really regarding Pentecostal followers. I decided to explain my beliefs as diplomatically as possible, having left that off the table from my end. She went fire and brimstone ballistic and hit me with the 2x4 of the Lord! LOL She would not take any of my calls after that. I have spoken to her since then but you best believe I closed that proverbial friendship door.


My REPLY:

You are not under any obligation to share or convince anyone to agree with your beliefs. Your beliefs are your own choices. Maybe you think you need someone to agree with you but you shouldn't. You don't need validation for your choices to be correct. You are your own authority. Your beliefs are correct because you decide they are.

Let your light shine without having to preach or get someone to believe with you. Let them have to come ask you, "Why are you such a good person?"

Even then, you can just say, "I live this way because I want to."

Stop worrying about if they will accept you. Those who are truly at peace with their beliefs will be able to love someone who does not agree. Anyone who judges or condemns you because you have different beliefs does so because they feel judged and condemned by their own belief system.

Go out and meet women and be good to them. If they want to run away, allow it. If they want to stay, allow that. The best way to hold on to someone is to be willing to let them go.

PTSD Hurts My Chances At Love


I have been through some trying times with men. I was raised by a man who would consistently belittle me and then my first real relationship out of highschool was with a mirror image of the man who raised me.

So it took me some time to really understand that their words do not define me. I understand that now, but my body doesn't.

During one bout with counseling the counselor asked me, "Does it feel like an impulse to run away?"

I gasped.

"Yes! I can't control it! I HAVE to leave, my body tells me to."

"I got it!" she said. "It's PTSD. Let me give you some literature."

PTSD is Post traumatic stress disorder and it happens when you experience an extremely traumatic situation and you don't heal properly. Somewhere along my life journey I developed it and to this day I can NOT develop a long term relationship with a man.

My body won't let me.

Let me give you an example.

I met a man a couple of years ago and we were cool as friends. After about a month of talking on the phone and hanging out, something just didn't feel right. My brain would send me a WARNING saying: Get away from him!

So I would make up some excuse to not speak to him again but after a day of not speaking to him, I'd calm down and call him back again and he'd be right there to talk to me again.

After a couple more months he said to me, "Do you notice that you come up with an excuse to stop speaking to me EVERY SINGLE WEEK."

I gasped, amazed that he noticed the pattern.

"I'm sorry. I get scared. I'll try not to do it again," I promised him.

But I did do it again and again and again and he just got used to it.

I experienced this at work too. It used to happen more in the past than it does now because now I care less about interacting with people but if a man said ANYTHING to me that wasn't hello or goodbye, I interpreted it as an insult and I would feel this intense heat radiate through my body and my breathing would start being heavier and if he would not stop talking to me or walk away I would immediately start SCREAMING AT HIM and CURSING.

During one such incident where I felt my blood beginning to boil and I was face to face with a man who was teasing me, one of my co workers said to me, "Uh. Oh. Here comes The HULK!"

When I heard him say that, I snapped out of it. It made me laugh at myself and to this day I always remember him saying that and it calms me down immediately.

If a man is around me for too long, I HAVE to push him away. I MUST get him out of my life so that he can't hurt me. I demonize the man and his intentions, interpreting every gesture or word as an insult and cursing him out. I only feel relief when he leaves and I feel complete relief when he says he never wants to speak to me again.

ADVICE: How To Get Over Him



Hey girl :)

I just wanted to say I loved the video you did on " Your Fanatasy: Figuring out if he just wants sex" love it!



Anyway I recently broke up with my bf! But I'm excited for the future, because i have so much planned ( Moving to a different town, creating a new life, etc ) I was just wondering if you had any tips on how to get over him ( i already know dont go to places you've been with him, stay out of places you know he'll be at, dont stalk him, text him, call him etc. ) Right now, im in a place in my life where i dont need a boyfriend and him breaking up with me, benefits me ( I know that sounds bad, but its the truth!)

please and thank you!

-M J



MY REPLY:

You'll get over him when you realize he wasn't your last chance at love. Also, try downloading my ebook- GET OVER HIM! It will give you a dose of reality that might shake your blues loose.

Love,

Te-Erika
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